


Haunting Memories

by writemydreams



Series: To Love a Vampire [9]
Category: BUCK-TICK, D - Fandom, Kisaki Project, Vidoll
Genre: M/M, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 18:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/995046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writemydreams/pseuds/writemydreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ruiza and Kisaki decide that their ex-lovers, Asagi and Jui, would make a good couple. An extremely awkward meeting at a Halloween party brings the two together, but it's not so easy for Jui to start a new relationship. He has horrors in his past that haunt him to this day. Asagi has to learn what triggers Jui's memories so he can comfort him and help him move on with his life.</p><p>
  <b>Sort of Discontinued. I would like to write more about their relationship, but never had further ideas.</b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Finding a Man

 

“These should be shorter… you need to show off those nice legs,” Ruiza mumbled as he fussed with Asagi’s costume. The older vampire shifted in discomfort while Ruiza adjusted his shorts. They were already showing off a lot of thigh; if Ruiza pulled them any higher Asagi risked being unable to cover his anatomy. At least the police jacket covered his ass and the backs of his thighs. Ruiza straightened once Asagi’s shorts were exposing the proper amount of thigh then looked him over. “Hm… more chest.” He grasper the zipper (which was unzipped to Asagi’s collarbones) then tugged it down to the middle of his chest. “There!” Ruiza beamed, stepping back. “Now you’re ready.”

Asagi sighed as he looked at the mirror behind them. He’d never seen himself look so… cheap before. Ruiza had picked the revealing officer costume then forced Asagi to wear it. The jacket was exposing most of his chest and fell open to show off his legs. Under it were the tiny shorts and then rose-print fishnets. Ruiza had accessorized him with an officer hat, a red armband with a black rose on it, and then leather fingerless gloves. Asagi had painted his nails black and put on some makeup and a necklace. The last prop to his costume, a model gun, was stuffed into his belt.

“Well?” Ruiza nudged him when he didn’t say anything. “What do you think?”

“Ruiza…” Asagi bit his lip. “I thought we were going to a costume party. Not a ‘make Asagi look like a cheap whore’ party.” He glanced down at Ruiza. Maybe he shouldn’t complain about what the outfit. Asagi’s costume was almost modest compared to the skimpy little outfit that Ruiza had dressed in. Tiny black shorts, fishnets, a tight and short corset-style top that left more skin exposed than it covered, elaborate makeup… Asagi still wasn’t sure what Ruiza’s costume was (he assumed the blonde was dressing as a prostitute) but had decided he didn’t want to know. The costume was obviously for Ruiza’s lover to enjoy removing. Or looking at. Whatever.

Said lover was the reason Asagi wasn’t interested in going to the party. Ruiza would probably be making out with Kisaki in a dark corner the entire time and Atsushi was out of town for the weekend. That left no one for Asagi to socialize with—except complete strangers.

Ruiza sighed then draped his arm around Asagi’s waist, moving closer to look at him in the mirror too. “I picked this costume for you because you,” he gave Asagi an affectionate smile, “are absolutely gorgeous and this just makes you look even hotter. Besides, you need to find a new man. Or a woman. Whatever. I know you’re lonely…” he trailed off, for the first time looking a little insecure. They’d been together off and on for the last twenty-some years. They were taken a break from each other for now (because Ruiza had fallen in love).

“I’m fine,” Asagi insisted. In truth… he wasn’t. He’d yet to find a new lover simply because he wasn’t looking for one. Atsushi and Ruiza had been the two constants in his life. Whenever they took a break from each other, Asagi felt… lost. Taking a break from Ruiza had become more difficult in the last decade because Atsushi, who had once always been an option, had reunite with his one true love and was no longer available. Asagi couldn’t go crawling back to him because he was lonely. And he wanted Ruiza to be happy…

Ruiza frowned. “No you’re not,” he said softly. “Don’t lie to me. I know you too well to believe you when you say you’re fine. You’ve been kind of gloomy lately. You’re always happier when you have a lover. Someone to spend your nights with or just spend the day curled up in bed…” He rubbed Asagi’s arm then stepped back. “So that’s why you need to meet someone tonight.”

Asagi gave him a skeptical look. “Ruiza. Do you seriously believe that, dressed like this, I’ll find someone that wants to start a romantic relationship with me? I think they’d rather fuck me and move on to the next conquest.” Asagi reached for the zipper, intending to pull it up. He pouted as Ruiza smacked his hand away. It was his body! It should be his choice if he wanted to show it off or not.

“You never know, you might find someone who was dragged there by their friend too. But you do need to get laid,” Ruiza said, poking Asagi’s side. “I’m almost positive I’m the last person you had sex with. And that wasn’t exactly recent.”

“R-Ruiza!” Asagi blushed. He was _not_ going to talk about his sex life! Ruiza was right though. He’d been Asagi’s last lover. When the blonde opened his mouth to respond, Asagi gave him a dark look. “Enough. We are not going to discuss this.”

The blonde shrugged. “All right. Le’s go then.”

 

*   *  *

 

Asagi, as expected, was abandoned upon reaching the party. Kisaki (looking like he stepped out of a mafia movie in his suit) took one look at the barely-dressed Ruiza before whisking him away. Asagi was positive that the tiny costume was being… appreciated in some private corner. Now that Ruiza was gone, Asagi had no one else to talk to. There was nothing for him to do but mingle with the other vampires. He walked through the room, wondering if anyone else was alone. It didn’t seem to be the case. There were couples _everywhere._ Couples dancing, couples embracing, coupes drinking blood wine together… Asagi felt like he stood out for being here by himself. That was kind of depressing but it was at least interesting to look at the other vampires’ costumes. Some were in cheap, sex shop style outfits like the one he wore but others wore more elaborate costumes.

He paused as a vampire with long, platinum blonde hair and aristocratic clothes walked by hand in hand with a doll-like vampire in a grey ball gown. Though the vampire in the dress looked womanly, Asagi could tell otherwise. Female vampires smelled different. The elaborate costumes were stunning. Asagi admired the details before glancing at the couple themselves. Both were as beautiful as their costumes and, clearly, very much in love.

Asagi sighed softly as he looked away. There was no sense in interrupting their evening to admire their costumes. Especially when he looked so cheap! Discussing their elegant costumes while he looked like he’d stepped out of a porn video would be mortifying.

Deciding he’d had enough of looking at costumes, he made his way to the bar. He might as well get some blood wine and find somewhere to sit. There was nothing better to do anyway. Glass in hand, he settled down at a table. He sipped the wine, absently listening to the snatches of conversation around him.

_“Beautiful dress.”_

_“That man over there…”_

_“…Take off your pants.”_

_“This wine…”_

_“…Would look better off.”_

Asagi lowered his wine glass as he smelled Ruiza nearby. He glanced up to see Ruiza and Kisaki approaching with their arms around another blonde. This vampire had longer hair and also wore a sexualized version of a police outfit. He had a police cap on and a black, military style jacket. It, like Asagi’s, was showing off his chest but kanji had been written onto the blonde’s chest. Ripped black tights with tiny black shorts and high black boots completed his look. Asagi thought the leg-flaunting style looked better on this blonde since he was so petite.

“Hi, Asagi.” Ruiza beamed as he waved. “This is Jui.” He laid a hand on Jui’s shoulder. Jui looked slightly confused but bowed his head politely.

“Jui and I have been friends for a while,” Kisaki added. “And since both of you are single…” He trailed off.

“Single, attractive, and you’re wearing similar outfits. So Kisaki and I decided you two should meet!” Ruiza grinned, pushing Jui forward. The blonde stumbled but quickly caught himself and gave Ruiza a reproachful look.

“”So this is why you insisted I come to the party?” Jui complained as he whirled to face Kisaki. “You wanted me here so you could awkwardly set me up?”

“Yes. Now go sit with Asagi and have a drink.” Kisaki and Ruiza manhandled Jui into the chair across from Asagi. “Aw, you two look adorable together.” Kisaki smirked as Asagi and Jui blushed. This was so embarrassing.

“They do. If you two want to be alone, there are private rooms upstairs.” Ruiza smirked as Kisaki’s hand moved down his thigh. “Have fun with Jui’s handcuffs!” He laughed then grabbed Kisaki’s hand and pulled him away, leaving Asagi and Jui in mortifying silence. This… this was the worst possible way to meet someone. Not even Ruiza seeing him drink a man’s blood had been as uncomfortable as this!

Jui was the first to break the silence. “I’m… um… Jui,” he mumbled, looking like he would gladly disappear.

“I’m Asagi,” the black-haired vampire said softly. He watched as Jui shifted in discomfort. “You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to. I don’t really want to be here,” he admitted. “Ruiza made me come to the party. It seems like Kisaki forced you to do the same thing.” If setting them up was what Kisaki and Ruiza had wanted, couldn’t they have come up with a less awkward way for Asagi to meet Jui?

Jui gave him a small smile. “No, this is fine. I wasn’t going to do anything at home anyway. And if I leave now Kisaki will just annoy me later.”

Asagi laughed softly. “I know Rui-chan would do the same.”

Jui pushed away from the table. “I’m going to get a drink.”

“You need one after dealing with them,” Asagi murmured.

Jui chuckled. “Yeah, they’re determined.” He left the table and returned a few minutes later with a bottle of beer. He settled down across from Asagi, cracking the cap off before taking a drink. His eyes turned back to Asagi as he lowered the bottle. Jui really was beautiful…

Asagi started violently as Kisaki’s thoughts brushed his. _“Jui has a beautiful voice and loves to sing. Take him to karaoke if you don’t want to stay at the party.”_

_“Stop eavesdropping on us and get out of my head!”_ Asagi retorted. He rubbed his temples then took a sip of his wine.

_“Stop drinking and talk to Jui.”_

_“Ruiza, if you don’t get out of my head I’m going to tell Kisaki years of embarrassing stories about you With images.”_

Ruiza’s presence immediately vanished from his thoughts. Asagi smirked, taking another drink as a reward. That was one meddlesome matchmaker taken care of. Now how would he do the same with Kisaki? Hopefully he’d soon be too busy making out with Ruiza to bother Asagi.

“…So Ruiza tells me you enjoy singing.”

“Kisaki said the same about you.”

Jui huffed in exasperation. “They’re impossible.” His eyes narrowed as he poked at his beer bottle. “If they wanted us to meet they could have done so in a more subtle manner.”

“I’m glad you agree.”

Jui looked at Asagi again. “Maybe we should go somewhere else so they won’t be able to bother us?”

“Or _they_ could go somewhere else,” Asagi muttered. “Why don’t we finish our drinks then find somewhere else to talk? They shouldn’t be able to spy on us then.” And he was touched that Jui, despite the horrifying meeting, was interested in speaking to him.

‘I’d like that.” Jui picked up his beer again. The two were quiet as they finished their drinks. Once he was done, Jui got up. “There are some private areas by the dance floor.” He gestured towards the dance floor. “I was sitting there earlier when Kisaki grabbed me and dragged me over here.”

“I’m sorry,” Asagi apologized. Jui had probably been enjoying himself there.

Jui smiled a little. “Don’t be sorry. If you want to blame anyone, blame our friends for wanting to play matchmaker. This actually… isn’t the worst setup I’ve had before.”

“Really?” Asagi wondered what could be more awkward than their meeting.

“Yeah.” Jui rubbed the back of his neck in discomfort. “The worse was when my mom and her friend tried to set me up with their daughter.”

“That does sound awkward.” Asagi followed Jui away from the bar and over to a loveseat in the corner behind the dance floor. The blonde settled down first. Asagi sat next to him. The loveseat was small but comfortable, small enough that their legs were touching.

Jui leaned back against the cushions. “So…” his lips curved into a smirk as he looked at Asagi. “Have you been single for a while or are Kisaki and Ruiza just eager to play matchmaker?”

Asagi sighed softly. “I think it’s both, actually. Ruiza and I were together but then Kisaki won his heart. That’s not an issue; I’m glad Rui-chan is so happy with him. He and Kisaki have the spark that Rui and I didn’t quite have.” Ruiza and Asagi were an off and on couple who usually got together again because it was comfortable and familiar to be lovers again. Relationships based on comfort and familiarity rarely had that passionate spark.

“He’s been with Kisaki for a few months now…” Jui trailed off, flipping his blonde hair back.

Asagi nodded. So it’d been a while. “I’m… not very good at dating,” he confessed. “I’ve really only dated two people throughout my life.”

Jui sighed softly. “I’ve dated more. I’ve… only had one lover as a vampire though. I had more as a human but after the relationship that led to my death…” words seemed to fail him as he touched his throat, beautiful face creasing with anxiety. Asagi was concerned as he watched him. Had Jui been murdered by a former lover? He wanted to know what happened but didn’t want to push Jui to talk about his turning.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Asagi hesitated then reached out to touch Jui’s shoulder. He was so slender. So delicate and frail.

“Maybe I should,” the blonde whispered. He sighed then shifted closer to Asagi. “I’ve only been a vampire for four years so it’s… difficult for me to leave my human years behind.” He le slumped against the couch, eyes turning to Asagi’s again.

So young. Asagi wouldn’t have imagined that Jui was so young. His eyes seemed… older. Not like Atsushi’s eyes, but they were the eyes of someone who’d been made to grow up quickly.

“How long have you been a vampire?” Jui removed his hat then smoothed his hair down, dropping the hat into his lap.

Asagi absently adjusted his shorts. “I was bitten in 1895. So,” his lips quirked into a smile, “December marks my one hundredth year of being a vampire.” He wondered how much longer he would have lived if Atsushi hadn’t bitten him.

Jui nodded. “It must have been difficult for you to adjust to modern technology.”

Asagi laughed. “Some things were. But I was curious about everything. Televisions, phones, washing machines… I wanted to know how to use all these machines. I didn’t want to be the type of vampire that shuns all technology and clings to the old ways.” Atsushi had been like that. It’d taken some prodding (and nagging) for him to cave and allow Asagi to teach him about modern life.

Jui smiled a little. “That’s smart.” The smile faded slightly. “How were you turned? Was it… someone close to you?” The anxiety was back on Jui’s young face. Asagi wondered what had happened to him. He wouldn’t pry though. If Jui wanted to tell him then he could do so.

“My lover bit me.” Asagi touched his throat. He’d been so happy when Atsushi had finally agreed to bite him. “Modern medicines and hospitals didn’t exist in those times. I was sickly as a baby and had ill health throughout my entire life. Three years after I met my lover, I… I ended up contracting tuberculosis.” He rubbed his chest as he remembered the pain of the bloody coughs. “There was no cure in those days. All I could do was rest, take my medicines, and try to stay strong. I wouldn’t wish that disease on anyone. Every day I struggled to breathe, coughed until I spit up blood.” He bit his lip at the memories. “For months, I begged my lover to bite me because I couldn’t bear to live like that.” Atsushi had saved him from further torment.

Jui’s eyes widened as he listened to Asagi’s story. “I’m sorry. That sounds terrible.” He slowly reached out to rub the black-haired vampire’s arm. “Was your lover afraid to bite you?”

“He was. He thought I was too gentle to live the life of a vampire.” Asagi shifted closer to Jui. Sometimes vampire life had been unbearably difficult for him. Still, he was grateful that Atsushi had bitten him. If he’d stayed human he would have died young. He would never have seen the world change, never met Ruiza, never experienced the freedom that vampirism gave him.

“Oh,” Jui said softly. “He sounds sweet…”

“He is.” Asagi smiled warmly as he thought of Atsushi. “We were together for a long time.” He noticed that Jui had started fussing with his hat. Did talking about lovers make him anxious? Or was Asagi just failing at this not-quite date by talking about his ex-lover. “Jui, would you like to go somewhere else? We could try karaoke…” he trailed off as Jui shook his head.

“No, I… I should talk about this.” The blonde moved closer so he was snuggled against Asagi’s side. “It’s a sad story though.”

Asagi hesitated then draped his arm around Jui’s slim shoulders. “Are you sure you don’t want to go somewhere else? Somewhere more private?” He watched uncertainty cross Jui’s face. Was he wary of being alone with Asagi? Then why cuddle up to him like this? Or just… uncertain about telling his story? He waited for Jui’s answer.

“Maybe we should,” Jui said softly.

Asagi nodded. “We could go to my apartment and talk. Or would you rather go somewhere else? I don't want you to be uncomfortable.”

Jui gave him a small smile. “Your apartment is fine. Mine’s a mess. I just moved into it a few days ago.”

“All right.” Asagi got up, offering Jui his hand. “Let’s go then.”

Jui took his hand and let him pull him to his feet. He pulled his hand free so he could put his hat back on. Jui smoothed his hair down and adjusted his costume then gave Asagi an insecure smile. Asagi hesitated before taking Jui’s hand again. The blonde immediately curled his fingers around Asagi’s, seeming to take comfort in the touch.

Asagi was starting to feel anxious about his story. What had happened to Jui?

 

*   *   *

 

“I’m sorry it’s a little messy,” Asagi apologized as they reached his apartment. “I… um… I’m a bit of a hoarder so I’ve been sorting through my things.” Atsushi was supposed to stop by over the weekend to help. More like supervise and make sure that Asagi would actually get rid of things. It was hard to part with possessions but Asagi didn’t want to live with so many things.

Jui laughed softly. “Don’t worry about it. My apartment is a disaster. There are boxes everywhere and I’ve been sleeping on my couch for the last week.”

Asagi wondered if he would like to stay the night and sleep in a proper bed. He didn’t want to be pushy though. He unlocked the door and opened it, holding it so Jui could walk in. “Come in.”

Jui walked inside. He slipped off his boots then straightened so he could look at the decorations. Asagi had a mirror, some of Atsushi’s ink paintings, and rose décor in the entryway. “These are beautiful.” Jui reached up, fingers almost touching a painting of roses.

“The man who turned me painted these.” Atsushi could be quite the artist when the mood struck him.

Jui’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Mm.” He took off his own shoes then took Jui’s hand again. “Would you like something to drink? I have red wine, some beer, and a couple bottles of blood wine. Or nonalcoholic drinks.” He didn’t have many of those but he was fond of lemonade.

“Wine, please.”

“All right.” Asagi showed Jui the living room and sat him down on the comfortable couch then went into the kitchen. He returned with two glasses of red wine. He handed one to Jui before sitting next to him. He sat close since Jui had sought physical comfort from him earlier at the party. “Have you always lived in Tokyo?” Asagi knew it was better not to push the subject. Asking questions about other things would get Jui used to talking about himself though.

Jui shook his head. “I wasn’t born here. I moved to Tokyo eight years ago… I haven’t always been here, but I think of Tokyo as home.”

“So do I.”

“How long have you lived in Tokyo?”

Asagi’s expression turned thoughtful. It was harder to calculate the number of years he’d spent in Tokyo since he lived in the city off and on. Sometimes he was in Akita (he was fond of that area), sometimes in Kyoto… but he’d been a regular resident of Tokyo for the last eleven years. “I’ve lived here for about eleven years. I’ve lived in Tokyo before though.”

Jui nodded. “I imagine you’ve seen Tokyo go through many changes.”

“I have. I’ve seen Tokyo when it was still Edo.” Asagi laughed softly then sipped his wine. “I feel so old compared to you.”

“Kisaki’s older,” Jui murmured.

Asagi nodded in agreement. That was true. Although he was only older than Asagi by twenty years. He sipped the wine again then glanced at Jui, wondering if he was ready to tell his story or not.

Jui took a deep breath. “I guess… I should tell you about my life. When I met you at the party, you did seem nice so I… did try to be warmer and more open to starting something with you. But I kept thinking about what happened before.” Jui shuddered violently. “I can’t… even consider starting something new without you knowing this story.”

“I’m listening,” Asagi said softly.

Jui took a sip of his wine. “Kisaki is the one who turned me.”

Asagi started. “He is?” He hadn’t expected that. Kisaki and Jui must have been lovers before then.

“Yes.” Jui touched his throat again. “I met Kisaki when I was still human. I was already in a relationship at this time, but Kisaki was…”

“Kisaki.” Asagi gave him a wry smile. “Ruiza was under his spell almost immediately so I can only imagine the effect he had on a human.”

Jui laughed weakly. “You’re right. I was enchanted by him the moment I met him. I knew I shouldn’t allow myself to get close to him. I already had a lover and, at that time, I was very in love with him. But Kisaki was charming and interesting. We ended up becoming friends. I never knew what he was; I didn’t find out until shortly before my death.” Jui took another drink. “For a while I was happy, but then my boyfriend started to get… jealous. He didn’t like that I was friends with Kisaki. I think he was afraid I was going to have an affair. I wasn’t going to give up a good friend just to please my lover though.” Jui switched his wine glass to his left hand then took Asagi’s hand, clutching it tightly. Asagi curled supportive fingers around Jui’s small hand. He could already imagine what Jui’s lover had done to him. “One night… when I’d gone to Kisaki’s to watch movies… we ended up sleeping together. And in the morning when I woke up next to him, I realized that I’d been happier in that one night with him than in an entire week with my boyfriend.”

“So you left him?” Asagi guessed.

Jui laughed hollowly. “Not in the way I planned. I told Kisaki I was going to break up with my boyfriend. That I’d come back to his apartment with my things.” He took another drink of the wine. “So I went home… my boyfriend and I were living together at the time. I packed my things then, when he came home from work, I told him that I couldn’t be with him anymore.” Jui tightened his grip on the wine glass, causing cracks to spider web in the delicate glass. He realized what he was doing then set the glass aside. “Sorry.”

“It’s just a glass.” Asagi didn’t care about the damage a single wineglass sustained. What concerned him was the damage that Jui had sustained four years ago. If Jui’s boyfriend had been jealous of him simply being friends with Kisaki, having the blonde stray like that then want to leave him would’ve made him see red.

Jui was quiet for a few moments before speaking again. “I told him how I’d been with Kisaki, that I was happier with him, and that I’d already packed my things. I assumed he’d be angry. But he just… snapped. I’ve never seen him so possessive.” Jui shifted closer to Asagi. The black-haired vampire set his wine by Jui’s then immediately wrapped his arms around the blonde. Gently he rubbed Jui’s back as he waited for him to continue. Jui took a ragged breath. “He…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I can’t… go into the details now. But after… everything… he said that if he couldn’t have me then no one else could. And he slit my throat.”

Asagi’s eyes widened. What sort of monster could ever hurt Jui like that? He pressed him closer. “What about Kisaki?”

“Kisaki was worried about me. He must have heard the fighting… of course he did, he’s a vampire.” Jui shook his head. “He entered the bedroom just as my boyfriend cut my throat.”

“Then what happened?” Asagi said softly. Poor Jui… no wonder he was afraid of starting something new with anyone. How couldn’t he be with a relationship history like that?

Jui slumped against him. “Kisaki knew he only had seconds to save me. My boyfriend had to die; and I… I’m glad Kisaki did it. He’d already hurt me. He would surely have gone on to hurt someone else. The last part of my human life that I remember was Kisaki leaning over me. He said he was sorry and then there was blood in my mouth and his fangs were in my neck.”

Asagi pulled his and Jui’s hats off then moved one hand into Jui’s hair, gently stroking it. “So Kisaki saved your life.”

“Or ruined it… sometimes I’m still not sure. But I am glad that he was there. I didn’t want to die. I was only twenty-six; I had more life to live.” Jui sighed loudly then laid his head on Asagi’s shoulder. “Kisaki and I were lovers until a year ago. The way we got together always haunted us and I think we both knew that a relationship wasn’t going to work. Our parting was mutual; we stayed friends and he never tried to set me up with someone. Until you. So you must be someone very special and very sweet if Kisaki trusts you with me.”

Asagi laughed a little as he stroked Jui’s hair. “I’m honored that he trusts me so much. And I’ve been told that I am sweet. I do try. And hearing your story just makes me want to cuddle and protect you.” Especially since Jui was so frail. It was the same with Ruiza. Asagi had always been overprotective of him given how small he was and the hardships he’d endured in his human life.

“I do miss cuddling with a lover.” Jui hesitantly slipped his arm around Asagi’s waist.

“Stay the night?” Asagi asked softly. “We can just talk. Get to know each other, have some wine or watch movies.” He did love movies. “Then we can decide what we want to do from there.”

Jui gave him a sweet, beautiful smile. “I’d like that.”

Asagi kissed his hair. “I’ll get you some comfortable clothes so you can change then.” He didn’t want to stay in this slutty uniform and doubted that Jui wanted to wear his costume for the rest of the night.

“Thank you. Where’s your bathroom? I don't want to get Kisaki’s graffiti on your shirt…” Jui glanced down at the writing on his chest.

“It’s down the hall. Second door on your left.” Asagi pointed towards the bathroom then got up off the couch. “There are clean towels under the sink. Help yourself to anything in the bathroom.”

“Thank you.” Jui gave him an uncertain smile then headed towards the bathroom. Asagi went into his room to get comfortable clothes, looking forward to getting to know Jui better.

 

*   *   *

 

It wasn’t quite dark when Asagi woke up. Jui was still sleep, lying on his side with his hands tucked under his cheek. He already looked adorable and then his messy hair sticking up made him even cuter. Asagi moved closer so he could pull Jui into his arms. They’d watched movies and talked until dawn. About hobbies and interests, Asagi’s long years as a vampire, things Jui wanted to do someday… the longer they talked, the more Jui relaxed and the more comfortable he became with Asagi. They would take their time with this, but Asagi didn’t mind. He wanted Jui to be happy and comfortable.

Asagi shifted so he could bury his face in Jui’s soft hair. Being able to hold someone like this again felt wonderful.

He’d just started to doze off again when Ruiza’s thoughts brushed his.

_So. Did you have fun with Jui’s handcuffs?_

Asagi muffled a groan in Jui’s hair. _Ruiza… we didn't have sex._

_What? How could you keep your hands off him?_

_Ruiza!_ That made him sound like some out of control pervert! _I could never have done that to him. Jui… insisted upon telling me about his human life and the night he became a vampire. His human life, like yours, ended in murder but he died by the hands of his lover._

Ruiza’s sigh echoed through his mind. _I know. Kisaki told me about him. We weren’t sure if Jui would be ready to try dating someone new, but if he dates anyone it should be you. You’re always so sweet, Asagi. Unless I make you angry…_ he laughed softly. _But we knew you’d take care of Jui. So where is he?_

_Asleep in my arms. He stayed the night and we just talked, watched some movies. Got to know each other more. Then when he fell asleep on me I carried him to bed. He’s still sleeping now._ Asagi paused as he felt Jui stirring. He moved back so he could look down at the blonde. Jui’s eyes slowly fluttered open, blinking tiredly up at Asagi. Then, realizing who was holding him, he yawned and snuggled closer.

“Evening…”

“Good evening.” Asagi stroked his hair. “How did you sleep?”

“Very well. What about you?”

“Same. Ruiza wanted to know if we slept together,” he said dryly.

Jui snorted. “Technically, you could say we did. We did sleep in the same bed.” He smiled playfully then reached up to smooth Asagi’s hair down. “Tell Ruiza I say hello.”

_Jui just woke up. He says hi._

_Tell him I say hi back._

Asagi chuckled then relayed the message. _Now leave me alone so I can talk to Jui._

_Well that’s rude,_ Ruiza huffed in mock offense. _I’ll talk to you later. Bye._ He withdrew from Asagi’s mind. The black-haired vampire brushed Jui’s hair back behind his ear. “Did Kisaki have any messages for you or was Ruiza the only chatty one?”

“He hasn’t said anything yet.” Jui snorted as he traced random patterns on Asagi’s arms. “I’m assuming he’ll want to put Ruiza in that costume from last night and have some fun with him.”

“It wouldn’t surprise me.”

“Me neither.” Jui looked up at Asagi. “Asagi,” he said softly. “I think you’re really sweet and I… I would like to try dating you.”

Asagi gave him a warm smile. “I’d like the same.”

“Can I stay here again tonight? I don’t want to sleep on my couch again.”

Asagi laughed, drawing Jui closer as he leaned down to kiss him. The other vampire’s lips were so soft. Jui tensed slightly in surprise but immediately slid his hands into Asagi’s hair as he returned the kiss.

_You can stay as long as you want._


	2. Triggers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jui's adjusting to dating again but his date with Asagi is disrupted when an affectionate gesture triggers memories of Jui's human life.

It’d been a little over two weeks since the awkward night of the Halloween Party. After spending the weekend with Asagi, Jui had gone back to his apartment to be alone. To think about everything. Telling Asagi he wanted to try dating him hadn’t been difficult while he was clasped in the other’s arms. When he was alone, though, the anxiety had returned. Jui had to keep reminding himself that he was no longer a fragile human. He was a vampire. He was strong enough to protect himself if another lover went mad with jealously and threatened his life. The thought had sent chills down his spine.

Despite his concerns, he’d met Asagi the next night to get a drink with him. They’d met up every so often over the last two weeks. Jui was still insecure about a new relationship, but Asagi was gentle with him. He was patient, understanding of his past, and never tried to push Jui into doing something he was uncomfortable with. Like sex. Jui wasn’t ready for intimacy of that level… especially since vampires tended to lose control and try to bite or kiss his neck. Jui was probably the only vampire in the world who hated having his neck touched. He tolerated Kisaki touching his neck because Kisaki was his ex-lover. Someone he could trust. Others though… Jui wasn’t comfortable enough with them to allow them to touch his neck. The insecure part of him worried about what would happen if Asagi tried kissing his neck, but the other vampire had yet to try. He seemed perfectly content with taking things slow. Aside from the occasional kiss, the extent of their physical contact was holding Jui’s hand or cuddling on the couch. Jui didn’t believe in perfect people or relationships, but Asagi was close to that impossible perfection. He was so sweet. Whenever they were together, Jui understood why Kisaki and Ruiza had pushed the two of them together. The other couple had known that Asagi and Jui would make a good match.

And they were. Despite his worries, Jui felt comfortable around Asagi. That didn’t mean his problems had vanished. He worried about them and sometimes felt guilty about the past preventing him from moving on. What could he do though? The trauma of being murdered by his possessive boyfriend made it difficult to become truly comfortable in a relationship with a man he was still getting to know. But he was trying to be more relaxed. It’d only been two weeks, but Jui really liked Asagi already.

He wanted this to work.

 

*   *   *

 

Jui raised hesitant hands to tangle his fingers in Asagi’s silky hair as the other vampire kissed him. He’d lost track of time (something that happened often when he was with Asagi). As dawn was approaching, he’d accepted Asagi’s offer (more of an insistence) that he stay the day with him.

They’d gone from the window to the bed. Asagi had turned on his side and pulled Jui into his arms. Jui liked sleeping like this… with his head above Asagi’s shoulder on his pillow. He’d usually wake up to Asagi still holding him and with his face buried in Jui’s hair. Given the hour, Jui thought they were going to bed to sleep. Until Asagi leaned in to kiss him.

Jui pressed Asagi a little closer, annoyed sound muffled by the kiss as the black-haired vampire’s long bangs tickled his cheek. He’d never dated someone with hair this long before. It felt a little strange to have that hair tickling his skin. He swiped Asagi’s bangs behind his ear, smiling at the other’s soft chuckle.

“Does my hair bother you?”

“It tickles.”

Asagi kissed Jui’s forehead. “I like long hair though… I feel like it suits me more than short hair does.”

“It looks good on you.” Jui toyed with the ends of Asagi’s long hair. “When was the last time you cut it short?”

Asagi looked thoughtful. “Maybe five years ago? I need a change.”

Jui nodded. He tended to keep his hair above his shoulders and usually a shade of blonde. He could understand wanting a change though. He liked that he could talk to Asagi about anything, but he hadn’t come over to talk about hair. Asagi seemed to have read his mind since he kissed Jui again.

Suddenly, he pulled back. Asagi framed Jui’s face with his hands and gave him a serious look. “Tell me to stop if I make you uncomfortable.”

Jui nodded. “I will,” he promised, giving Asagi a faint smile. Truly, he was lucky to have someone like Asagi in his life. He pulled Asagi back into a kiss. Until meeting Asagi, Jui hadn’t realized how much he missed simple romantic things like this. A kiss, falling asleep in a lover’s arms… He made a surprise noise as Asagi gently pushed him forward, rolling Jui onto his back and moving on top of him. If his heart could beat it would probably be racing by now. Jui shifted slightly so he and Asagi could get more comfortable. This was going further than he’d gone before but he trusted Asagi not to go too far. Again he had to brush Asagi’s hair back as it fell onto his face.

“Maybe I…” Asagi kissed his cheek. “Should pull my hair back so it doesn’t bother you.”

Jui laughed softly. “Maybe. It’s fine though.”

“Mm…” Asagi kissed down to Jui’s jaw. The blonde tensed as Asagi tipped his head back so he could trail kisses down his neck. He playfully scraped his fangs against Jui’s throat.

“Asagi!” Jui slammed his hands into the black-haired vampire’s chest and pushed him back. He scrambled to sit up, scooting back and holding his hand against his neck. Fangs brushing his throat always sent chills down his spine and brought back horrible memories of his former lover.

His outburst had clearly startled Asagi. “Jui?” Hesitantly, he reached out to touch the hand not on his neck. “I’m sorry… your neck...” he trailed off.

Jui shuddered as he took a deep breath. “I… I don’t like having my neck touched. It makes me think of having my throat slit. And feeling fangs on my neck…” he shook his head violently. He couldn’t handle it. Kisaki had always been careful to avoid Jui’s neck so he wouldn’t trigger memories.

Asagi gently took both of Jui’s hands, clasping them tightly. “I’m sorry,” he said, looking worried. “I… I wouldn’t have guessed. I’ve never… met a vampire that didn’t like having his neck touched. I’ve always loved it even as a human.”

Jui swallowed. He always felt like such a freak with his anxiety about his neck. And now he’d completely ruined the mood. “I should have told you.”

Asagi released his hands then moved to sit next to Jui, wrapping his arm round the blonde’s small shoulders. “Well, I know now.” He kissed Jui’s hair. “Is there anything else I should avoid?”

Jui sighed in relief. Asagi understood… this didn’t have to become awkward. “It’s really just my neck.”

“Okay.” Asagi gently turned his face so Jui was looking at him. “I want you to tell me about anything else that triggers memories. I want you to be happy… and I don’t want to be the cause of misery.”

Jui smiled weakly. “I promise I will.”

Asagi nodded then turned to look at the clock. “Maybe we should get some sleep.” He let go of Jui so he could lie down. The romantic mood was clearly dead… which Jui felt guilty about. He’d have to start something up either later or when they woke up. He lay down next to Asagi and snuggled closer to him, absently trailing his fingers up his sides.

“Asagi, I’m s-” he started to apologize for being such a wreck, but Asagi gently stopped him with a finger to his lips.

“Don’t apologize. You have horrors in your past that I don’t have.” Asagi smiled faintly. “You see how worried I get when I see people coughing.”

That was true. “What’s more worrisome is when you start wheezing in your sleep.” Jui had been so alarmed the first time he heard that. And then Asagi had sounded like he was hyperventilating. Jui had quickly shaken him awake, learning that Asagi had dreamt about the disease at the end of his human life. Poor Asagi. Jui wasn’t sure if a death like his was worse than a lasting death that slowly robbed someone of their strength and health with the passing days.

Asagi sighed. “Tuberculosis is a disease I wouldn’t wish on anyone.” He pulled Jui closer then buried his face in his hair. “Let’s get some sleep. We should go out if the weather is nice tomorrow.”

Jui wrapped his arms around him. “I’d like that.”


	3. Haunting Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is supposed to be a happy time of year. For Jui, all it does is bring back memories of his darkest day.

Walking through Shinjuku during December was like being in a nightmare. Everywhere Jui turned, he saw Christmas decorations. On lampposts, in store windows, the new flavors at Starbucks… there were even lights and a Christmas display up at Shinjuku Station. Jui bit his lip as he and Kisaki passed a store with decorations all over the windows and walls. It was all too much for him. He reached for Kisaki, curling his fingers into the other vampire’s coat sleeve. Jui wanted to hide his face in Kisaki’s chest so he wouldn't have to see the decorations. It wouldn’t work though. They were still there, dragging up memories he wished he could bury.

Kisaki sighed. “I’m sorry, Jui. I had no idea it would be this bad.” He wrapped his arm around Jui’s waist and hugged him against his side.

“It usually is,” Jui said quietly. He wished he didn’t feel this way. Christmas was supposed to be a fun and romantic time of the year. Instead, it brought back memories of hardship for him and Kisaki. The steps that Jui unwittingly took towards his own death had begun on a day much like this. Kisaki had invited Jui to come have coffee and talk with him. They’d walked around with their drinks clasped in their cold hands, looking at the stores as they talked about their plans for the holidays. Then the fateful offer to come back to Kisaki’s apartment and have dinner. A dinner that never happened since they wound up in bed together instead. And then… the day after… Jui swallowed and ducked his head to hide under his hair. He didn’t want to think about what happened that day.

“Jui.” Kisaki gently made him look at him. “Do you want me to take you home? Or to see Asagi?”

“I’m fine,” Jui whispered. He didn’t want to cut his evening with Kisaki short. He’d enjoyed seeing him again and catching up on each other’s lives. Telling him about Asagi, how he made Jui feel safe and comfortable… it was exactly what Kisaki wanted to hear.

Kisaki sighed again. “I know you’re not.” He rubbed Jui’s back, hugging him closer. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. Jui knew Kisaki wasn’t apologizing for taking him out today. He was apologizing for that night four years ago. A part of Kisaki would always blame himself for Jui’s human death, even though Jui constantly reassured him that neither of them were to blame.

Saying such things was easy. Convincing yourself was always the hardest part.

 

*   *   *

 

“Tell Asagi I said hi,” Kisaki said as they reached the building Asagi lived in. “I’d come up and greet him myself but Rui-chan wants me to come home.”

Jui gave him a faint smile. “He sensed you got cookies for him.”

Kisaki snorted as he patted his coat pocket. He’d bought chocolate chip cookies for Ruiza when they stopped at Starbucks to get drinks. “It wouldn’t surprise me. I should enter him in an eating contest one day… he’d love it.”

“Or make himself sick.” Could a vampire eat that much food? Jui wasn’t sure. He adjusted his coat then looked up at the building. He felt the unease returning as he saw Christmas lights in some of the windows. Asagi didn’t seem like the type to decorate for Christmas… Jui hoped he wasn’t into holiday decorations. It’d be too much for him to handle now.

After saying goodbye to Kisaki, Jui headed up to Asagi’s apartment. He froze as he saw a wreath of holly and mistletoe on the door. Asagi was decorating for Christmas? Jui swallowed then raised his head to knock. _It’s me_ , he said, reaching for his lover’s thoughts.

_Great!_ Footsteps, and then Asagi was opening the door. Jui blinked as he saw the black-haired vampire dressed in jeans and a red holiday sweater with silver snowflakes on it. Garland was draped around his arms like a shawl. Jui swallowed again as he saw the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room. He’d clearly interrupted Asagi while decorating.

“Jui! I had no idea you would be coming over. Here, come inside.” Asagi took his hand to pull him inside. He shut the door then embraced Jui. The blonde slowly returned his hug, staring over Asagi’s shoulder with wide eyes. Jui’s murderous boyfriend had loved to decorate for Christmas. He’d been so angry with Jui for sleeping with Kisaki that the living room, fatally close to the kitchen, had been where Jui’s human life had ended. Near the Christmas tree in their apartment.

“Jui?” Asagi gently pushed him out to arms length, giving him a concerned look. “Is something wrong?”

“Sorry,” Jui whispered, looking down. “It’s just… I’ve had a long day. Things are triggering my memories.” He let go of Asagi and clutched his hair as he fought to keep from trembling. He’d thought to escape by coming to see Asagi, but the nightmares had followed him here.

“Oh…” Asagi dropped the garlands and hugged Jui close again. “You’re safe here. It’s okay, nothing can hurt you while you’re with me.” He moved one hand up Jui’s back to stroke his hair. For a few moments, that was all he did. The blonde buried his face in Asagi’s shoulder so he wouldn’t have to see the decorations. “Jui?” the black-haired vampire nuzzled Jui’s hair. “Do you… want to talk about what happened? About the trigger?” They’d agreed to talk about anything that triggered his dark memories.

Jui bit his lip. He did, but he didn’t want Asagi to feel guilty for decorating his apartment. He could already picture his lover casting the holiday decorations a sad, guilty look. “Holidays,” he whispered. Jui clutched the back of Asagi’s sweater. “I-I died. This time of year.” The words left him in a rush, and he closed his eyes as images washed over him. His boyfriend’s decorations, how he’d grabbed Jui by the hair and dragged him to the living room, Christmas lights twinkling above the couch as his boyfriend reminded Jui who he belonged to and how much of a whore he was for sleeping with Kisaki, an aching Jui wrapping himself in a blanket when his boyfriend went to the kitchen… trying to escape from him… and then blood hitting the holiday rug when he slit Jui’s throat.

_“Now you can never cheat on me again.”_

Tears blurred Jui’s vision as he clung to Asagi, shaking uncontrollably. He relived this nightmare every time he saw Christmas decorations.

Asagi froze then sighed, clutching him tightly. “Oh, Jui… I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” he whispered. He stroked Jui’s hair then gently pushed him back so he could dry his tears. “Seeing all this must be hell for you.” As expected, he cast the decorations a guilty look. His expression made the blonde vampire feel worse. Because of his memories, Asagi blamed himself. Jui didn’t want to make his lover miserable and ruin his holiday spirit.

“T-They remind me… of the past… but I-I don’t want you to take them down.”

Asagi’s eyes widened. “What? Why not? They upset you…” he trailed off, head tilting in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

Jui pulled back and rubbed his arms. “They make you happy though. And I see decorations every time I leave my apartment. I can’t hide from Christmas during December.” He brushed his hair back, biting his lip. “A-And maybe… you could help me see Christmas as a good thing again.”

Asagi still looked uncertain. “I don’t know. Are you sure? I don’t want to be the cause of more pain for you.”

Jui slowly nodded. “Just… please take off the holiday sweater.”

Asagi blinked. “Of course. If it upsets you, I’ll go change.”

“Holiday sweaters look awful on everyone,” Jui blurted, giving his startled lover a sheepish smile. “Sorry. But even you can’t make it work.”

The black-haired vampire glanced down. “I guess you’re right. Atsushi stopped by earlier and pretended to gag when he saw my sweater. He can be so rude sometimes!” Asagi huffed. He took Jui’s hand again and led him to the living room, sitting him down on the couch. “You sit here while I change my shirt. Then we’ll have some tea and we can watch a movie together.”

Jui nodded. “That sounds nice. Please, no holiday movies though.” Accepting Asagi’s decorations had been difficult enough for him. He’d probably have a mental breakdown if he had to sit through a holiday movie.

“I’ll let you pick what we watch.” Asagi kissed his forehead then went to his bedroom.

Jui leaned back against the couch, looking at the decorations. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to see Christmas as a happy time again. But maybe, just maybe, Asagi could help him overcome his holiday trauma.

 

*   *   *

 

Sometime during the movie, Jui had fallen asleep with his head pillowed in Asagi’s lap. The black-haired vampire glanced down at his lover. Sometimes Jui looked so peaceful when he slept. The tragedy that haunted his waking life couldn’t always reach him in his dreams. Asagi combed his fingers through Jui’s hair, sighing softly as he looked at his Christmas decorations. Despite Jui’s words, Asagi was still considering taking them down. He knew they bothered his lover. The holiday decorations were just a brutal reminder of a murder he’d rather forget. Asagi would see how Jui reacted to the decorations when he woke up—see if Jui was still okay with the festivity—then make a decision about what to do with them.

Now though, it was getting late. Asagi gently gathered Jui into his arms and carried him into the bedroom. He laid Jui down, tucking him in before lying down next to him.

 

It felt as if Asagi had just dozed off when he felt Jui trembling in his sleep. His fingers were curled into Asagi’s shirt, gripping it tightly. Asagi opened his eyes to see his lover’s face creased with anxiety. He stroked Jui’s soft hair in an attempt to comfort him. Whenever Jui had nightmares, Asagi had to fight the temptation to dip into his mind and save him from his dream. He’d done it for Ruiza and Atsushi many times before. Change the course of their dream and protect them from their nightmares. They were far closer and had years of history together, unlike the budding relationship Asagi had with Jui. Entering his dream and seeing the horrors that haunted Jui felt like a gross intrusion. A violation of his trust. Would Jui be angry at him for walking into his dream? Would it damage the relationship they had? These doubts always plagued Asagi. And so, every time Jui had a nightmare, he shook him awake, hugged the blonde close to him, and whispered words of love and comfort while Jui shuddered in his tight embrace.

For now, that was all he could do for Jui.


End file.
